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M.S.R.P. II • View topic - Dark Opportunities [Cartheft/Recruitment/NPC hit]

M.S.R.P. II

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Forum locked This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  [ 2 posts ] 
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 3:59 pm 
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Intermediate
Intermediate

Joined: Sun Mar 12, 2006 1:22 pm
Posts: 52
Location: Around
Introduction:
[size=75]Music played quietly in the background. The bright rays of light from the sun outside poured through the window opposite him. Mickey had got back from a trip to New York a few days ago to find he’d lost his job and his girlfriend draped over the body of another man.

The bottle dropped from his seemingly lifeless hand and rolled across the wooden floor. It stopped, and then, a moment later it began to roll in the other direction. Following the bottle a voice
[b]“Ey Mickey, get your ass up!â€


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 6:18 pm 
Offline
Intermediate
Intermediate

Joined: Tue Feb 28, 2006 5:09 pm
Posts: 98
Requests:
->Mercedes CLS 500 Approved - not in the best condition however
-> NPC cartheif Joey Approved - Class B - Not the best, but accomplished
-> x2 Beretta 92 Denied
-> Baseball bat Approved
-> No way of conecting Mickey to the killings of theft Nng...Police can investigate...

Notes

Alright, all in all it was good, grammar and spelling - good. However, it was just lacking in detail, background information, extra powerful adjectives and verbs could be used, think about what your character can see and hear. Though you paid fairly good attention to this, try and add in an extra bit here and there. If you want extra critique, head into the . And any questions on my judgement, PM me, or IM me via AOL.


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